For instance, do you think, as many do, that all old people are
alike, and that nobody changes after about the age of 50?
Nothing could be farther from the truth. Freud's famous
statement that people couldn't change after the age of 50 simply
isn't true. At the time he formed his theories, most people
didn't live past 50, and that of course shaped his views. He may
not have seen a lot of people over 50. In fact this limited
exposure to people in older age groups continues to confound our
understanding.
A lot of the psychological assessments available weren't normed
on enough people over the age of 60 to make them reliable for
individuals in that age group. Its all about developmental
stages and you wouldn't expect normal to mean the same thing for
a 75 year old as a 42 year old any more than for a 6 year old
and a 12 year old.
Seniors are not alike as individuals or as a group. Surveys
show that the most contented people are people aged 60-69, but
at the same time, the highest suicide rates of any age group
occur among individuals 65 and older. 81% of senior suicides are
male and Anglo males are particularly vulnerable. White males
over 65 have the highest suicide rate, second only to white
adolescent males.
Suicide rates are higher for those who are divorced or widowed,
and cause is attributed first to physical ailments, and then to
depression.
The percentage of seniors in the population has risen steadily
from 3% in 1900, to about 12% now. It is projected to increase
to 21% in the next 30 years.
Since most emotional problems are often presented first to a
primary care physician, as physical problems (headache,
backache), medical schools are hastening to add exposure to
geriatric medicine and psychology in the training of doctors.
Psychology licensing boards are also beginning to require it.
It's important to understand that depression manifests itself
in different ways. We usually think of the lethargic depressed
person, the one who moves and thinks slowly, can't sustain eye
contact, talks negatively, is disinterested or unable to enjoy
their usual pleasures, and wants to sleep all the time. But
depressed people can also be agitated, angry, restless,
irritable, eyes darting around, frantically trying to enjoy
things (but not able to), and not able to sleep much. In either
case, women may talk about the feelings, but men tend to
complain about physical ailments when they see a doctor.
It's important to understand that depression isn't a normal
part of aging, and that it's treatable. If you think you're
depressed, or that your loved one is, its good to start with a
physical checkup. You should be make a list of all medications
being taken, and also consider the normal routine. Many seniors,
especially those who live alone, neglect nutrition and exercise.
As I say in my ebook, EQ and Depression, you aren't supposed to
be depressed as you age. You're supposed to feel good.
Many seniors have a high EQ, are resilient, and are experienced
copers. EQ tends to increase with age, but not if you don't work
on it. Skills such as flexibility, creativity and resilience can
be learned, and it pays to start developing them in early
adulthood, as they take time to learn. Barring physical
problems, you can learn to manage your emotions and the thoughts
that accompany, and cause, them. We know that isolation is worse
on our health than high blood pressure and obesity combined, and
it not being isolated depends upon your interpersonal skills
your ability to make new friends and keep the old ones.
Creativity is needed to learn to work around things that
change. It tends to take longer, for instance, to learn new
things as we age, but many seniors are adept at many ways to
skin a cat. Likewise there are ways to make the short-term
memory loss less bothersome. Short-term memory loss is one of
the things that does come with aging, but the vast experience of
seniors in coping gives them a vast store of tricks to pull out
of the bag to help them remember. As one of my senior coaching
clients tells me, "My short-term memory's off about 10%, but
since it used to be far above-average, I'm doing fine. Now I
just write things down, like I've seen others do for years."
The ability to creatively meet challenges depends upon having
an optimistic attitude, which also can be learned. I coach
people in learned optimism and emotional intelligence
competencies all the time! If you want to, and are willing to,
you can learn to change self-limiting beliefs, once you realize
they aren't working for you. It depends upon correct information
(like its not normal to be depressed at any age, including old
age) and then becoming aware of your emotions and self-talk, and
changing them. Depression usually responds best to a regime of
exercise, good nutrition including neutraceuticals, medication,
and cognitive work.
Coaching can help you move forward, make goals and stay
accountable to them – and find a coach over the age of 50 – with
age comes wisdom.. We also know that resilient seniors are
lifelong learners. While we don't make any more brain cells as
adults, we can continue to form new connections throughout the
lifespan IF we learn new things; the more radical the better.
This means if you're an engineer, take a literature course. If
you're a Spanish teacher, study some physics. If you're a
left-brained mathematician, take an EQ course and develop the
right side of your brain. As someone said, fall in love with
learning and you'll never end up with a broken heart.
Intentionality is a high-order emotional intelligence
competency. Why not intend to be one of those seniors who's
resilient and contented, who ages gracefully? Look to your
wellness now, whatever age you are, and don't leave out the EQ
skills. The time to be developing them is now. Our emotions
directly effect our immune system, which is our health. They
also effect our ability to get along with, and enjoy, others and
ourselves. Men may particularly want to address the EQ issue. I
know from the statistics, and from my coaching practice, that a
man living alone at the age of 60 or beyond is in a vulnerable
position, and while there are more women at that age than men,
the smart women will be holding out for the healthy, EQ-smart
men to bless with the health-promoting marital state.
Get started now. It's never too late to learn!
About The Author: Susan Dunn, www.susandunn.
mailto:sdunn@susandunn.
Development Expert for SelfGrowth, largest self help portal on
net, rated #1 by yahoo,google.
Individual coaching for seniors, internet courses, ebooks,
http://tinyurl.
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